The romantic pornographer
I’m expanding my links here and am looking for suggestions of new blogs to read, support promote that are fetish, adult entertainment, erotica and/or sex positive writings, musings etc. If you have a blog that you think I’d like, please point me in that direction!
Leave me links and comments!
Last night a friend (January Seraph) had a latex play party in celebration of her birthday. I’ve come to realize that I’ve a lot of friends in common with those in the latex/fetish/bdsm scene on the west coast, including one friend, whom I’ve never met.
I’ve known Carina Crash for years now, but we’ve never met in person. We send each other cards and books, tokens of affection. We speak on the phone often, send each other text messages, but we’ve never met face-to-face. When considering this she told me once that I was in fact, the worlds laziest stalker.
I found out that Carina was going to January’s party, which would also be attended by Ms. Justine Cross and a few others that I know, either from work in fetish films or, like Justine; happenstance in a remote city through mutual friends who thought we’d enjoy each others kinky minds.
I’d sent my regrets to January that I wouldn’t be able to make it and asked her to do me the favor of giving Carina a spank on the ass when she saw her, from me. I sent a message to Ms Justine asking the same. Finally I sent a message to Carina, saying “when it comes, you’ll know it was from me”.
“Oh man….2 hard smacks, left & right side!”, was her message just a little while later.
“I’ll be there soon. In the meantime, I’ll do what I can to keep life interesting. Any time I can add to the excitement of your night, I’ll feel I’ve done something worthwhile….”
I closed my eyes and smiled, drifting off to sleep thinking of the warm red glow and the scent of the latex that it would be underneath.
My job, believe it or not, is largely a desk job. I spend a few hours a week shootings/filming and the rest of the time editing, packaging, publishing the work that I’ve shot. I write reviews, descriptions, blogs and I’ve been working on a book. All this means that the time I spend at my desk means I’m constantly looking for a distraction to pull me away from what I’m doing just long enough to get a little fresh perspective, motivation inspiration to continue forward creatively. I’ve found that reading blogs is a great way to do this, and I’ve come across a few really good ones this year:
Dark Gracie: She makes me feel like she would smile at most of the kinky ideas that I have. I doubt I could shock her, quite honestly and I enjoy bantering back and forth with her on Facebook, twitter, etc.
Ms. Justine Cross: I met her personally earlier this year, as we share a number of personal friends. Her intelligence is a huge turn on and she’s beautiful on top of it. I’ll be moving close to her next year and I imagine she’s quickly become one of my favorite people to spend time with in my new city.
Apnea: I’ve always found her appealing and have been interested in her personal story as well as her as a model. She’s dating (engaged?) to Chase Lisbon of Supercult and the two of them make really interesting videos together. I check her blog daily (as I do Ms Justine & Dark Gracie).
I read Katie West’s blog pretty regularly as well as Nightmare Brunette.There are a number of other blogs that I’ve started browsing recently as well, in particular My Gray Line, who, while being a recent find has gotten my attention with her story telling. I really like Miss Calico, though she doesn’t update often. I was reading Belle de Jour, but admittedly during all the sensation about her identity, she’s sort of stopped updating and I’ve sort of stopped following.
All of these blogs fascinate, excite me, inspire me in some way, so I’m thankful to have them to read. When I’m rubbing my eyes after staring at photographs that I’m editing, when I’m trying to find a new way to describe how I’m being tormented on-screen by beautiful women (or doing the tormenting myself), when I need a break from my own thoughts, these places that I’ve mentioned; this is where I go.
“What do you want from me?”, she asked.
“Nothing. To see you home safe”, i answered her.
“You are standing two inches from me and looking me right in the eyes”, she said, as though that proved I wanted something.
It was true, we were standing close, but I hadn’t moved. She’d gravitated near me, around me as she unlocked her bike in the early morning hours. Earlier she’d asked me with faux objection if I was going to take her home and when I told her no, she was surprised.
“tell me I should go home then.” she said, challenging the idea that I wasn’t trying to pick her up, despite any chemistry there was.
“You should go home”, I said and she seemed frustrated that I wouldn’t play along, pretend at the very least, that something might come of this situation.
It wasn’t that she wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t that she hadn’t been diligent in pushing every one of my freak buttons, the ones that she was sure would spark a ravenous hunger in me, because she had. once or twice she said all the right things, she asked me to argue, overcome her objects. She smacked my face once, hoping that would get a rise out of me, but a slow smile crept across my face as I continued to look at her, unmoved. It isn’t that she wouldn’t have been fun, because she probably would have.
It’s that she’s the girlfriend of a friend, something that I take seriously and despite the ravenous hunger she was trying desperately to produce in me, I kept my voice to a low growl and I didn’t bite, no matter how much the situation presented itself to me as available, ripe for the taking. Forbidden fruit is often the most tempting.
My words are chosen carefully because I’ll say what I need to, acknowledge the situation and still leave enough doubt in the mind of the person that I’m with that we are even speaking of the same thing. I’m sure it’s infuriating for some, but if I’m going to be tempted into a situation that I know I can’t pursue in good conscience, well, then why shouldn’t I have some fun of my own…
She tried one more time (weakly) to tempt me as her cab arrived. I took her had with a folded up fare in it after I loaded her bike. I kissed her on the cheek and the man waiting behind the cab for only a moment beeped and she flipped him off. She got in the cab and I started to walk away.
“She acts like quite a lady, your girl”, the man in the van that had honked said. I turned to him and asked how it was her fault that the cab didn’t pull over far enough to pass.
“I’m just saying…”, he started.
“You SHOULDN’T”, I interrupted. He rolled up his window quickly and pulled off.
I walked home in the cold morning air and felt something like purring in me. The feeling of exercising self-control always makes me feel powerful, as though I’ve held back something capable of consuming the world with great, ravenous hunger. I think of the lyrics from Sympathy for the devil: “ So if you meet me, have some courtesy, have some sympathy and some taste. use all your well-earned politesse…” and I smile as I go home alone.
I feel like I’ve just spent the night talking to Marla from Fight Club and while the role of Tyler Durdan has its indulgent appeal, I am Jack’s thankless restraint.
The shoots I’ve scheduled the last two days have been cancelled. Yesterday because I started to feel under the weather, today, because the model did. I spend the evening quietly working through the enormous backlog I have a of photos, thinking about the people I’ve shot with, the shoots , all the things that have happened over the last year. I can see the work I did with models after meeting them, but not really knowing them and the difference that a year of becoming familiar has made.
So I’ll sit here today, drink hot cider and flip though the year in photographs. Pretty creatures, dirty moments, great adventures. Today will be my year in review, which in my case (and to your good fortune) included pretty women, so I’ll be posting moments from the year here nearly daily for you to enjoy…
