We worked together in adult entertainment for years and even though we’ve been divorced now for a few months, separated for longer, I still have unreleased material that I’m cycling out. Material that we shot together, are both in and is a reminder on a daily basis of the relationship. I need to keep releasing this material, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
I didn’t consider when entering into these sordid endeavors that we’d split and I’d be left sifting through this box of photo’s because that’s how I make a living. I didn’t consider that I’d have to try and cheer her on while she worked against me to capture the same audience and worked with other men. There were a lot of things that I should have considered, but I didn’t.
It’s not that I regret our time together; it’s not that I’m unhappy about what we do. It’s not that I begrudge her any success. I also don’t carry this burden in the way that it has potentially to be; heavy, tiresome, life changing. Now and again though, when I see it and am not able to look away, I consider how much easier a breakup would be when allowed the healing process, the time away, the separation that allows you to grow apart slowly rather than to be constantly reminded of one another.
Adult entertainment can be a small world where you see each other often, you may even work together still in some fashion. For those that work onscreen (or are involved with someone that is), the wondering about what he or she is doing now is replaced by vivid evidence on the screen. That’s just the way it is and one of the things that you have to be able to accept when you start; that work isn’t always work, that sex isn’t always sex and when you press them together, they can be hard to pull back apart.
