It was my first venture into dating while openly seeing someone and I was a little reluctant to go, if I’m being honest. I’d half talked myself out of it because I wasn’t sure that Riley and I were looking for the right thing or in the right places in our respective lives. I also wasn’t sure about how my history in adult entertainment would really be received even though I’d disclosed it before we met. Madison and I discussed the pro’s and con’s as she gave me a lift home. Riley had plans later in the evening to go to a dance class giving me an easy out if it didn’t go well and when Madison put that into perspective, I made up my mind to go. I’m grateful to her for that talk, because as it turns out, it was a really great night.
I stood out in front of the restaurant waiting for her to arrive, having taken less time there than I anticipated to walk there from my apartment. I watched people walking by as I looked for her, scanning faces for the one that looked like the photo’s that I’d seen of her online. She was wearing the blue and white dress that she told me to look for and that’s what I noticed first; the floral print that made me think of a cool breeze on a warm summer day. I noticed her bare, sun tanned shoulders as she spun on the spot to face me and when she did I noticed that her eyes were kind and her smile was really lovely as they both lit up in a hello.
We exchanged two kisses (one on each cheek) and a small hug before going inside. She was warm and smiled a lot and I really liked the eye contact that she made. She turned to go into the restaurant and I followed her down the set of steps into the small, brightly lit room. We were a little early and had the place almost to ourselves when we sat down. We leafed through the menu together speaking but we weren’t really paying much attention to it, too distracted by conversation to make choices. The waitress circled us for half an hour and when we finally did decide, she ordered desert for dinner. It made me smile and trust her more somehow (maybe because she’s a nutritionist but not a masochist).
We spoke candidly about life, love and relationships (both open and not) as we ate, often echoing the same sentiment and finishing each others sentences. I was sort of in awe of her as she reached across the table and unabashedly set to work on what I hadn’t finished when the waitress asked if I could take my plate away.
“I was a little worried before we met that we might not get along. You seem so strong-willed in your profile but you are much more…gentle.. in person” she said.
I had to admit that my desire to make my line of work perfectly clear probably came off a little ‘take it or leave it’, but I also didn’t want to waste anyone’s time, including my own.
I told her about Laila and he told me about her many years of an open marriage which were coming to an amicable end. I was surprised to hear about it, given something that she’d said on OKC about not wanting an open relationship right now. She explained that it wasn’t something she was necessarily interested in pursuing anew because eventually she would be looking for the person to spend her life with. For the moment though, she was seeing other people too. We talked about the relationships she’d had along the way and the ones that I’d had that led me to this point.
I described the moving situation from a few weekends before, including the joke Laila made in referring to us as her ‘harem of movers‘, because almost everyone helping was connected to her in one way or another. I’d told Riley that I’d met a number of the other people Laila was seeing that day and that I’d really liked them all. Her eyes narrowed just a little bit and she smiled at me over the glass of water she held in her hands.
“She must be very pretty” she said.
When she brought up my work in adult, she asked me rather bluntly about the details of my time performing. Her questions revolved mostly around monogamy and how that was negotiated if I was in front of the camera; I gave her every detail without thinking twice and I really liked that she wasn’t afraid to ask or of the answers.
The restaurant grew louder and the girls that they seated next to us were determined to speak over every noise in the place, so we sat quietly for a moment and looked at one another. I noticed again how great her eye contact was and was just about to say it aloud when she complimented me on the same.
We sat in that tiny space for the better part of two hours, talking about life’s adventures and misadventures. We decided to use the time left to go for a walk for a change of scenery and because it was a really beautiful night out. The last light of the sun was still just barely visible in the sky as we headed out into the street to walk and talk some more. There were lights in the trees and people around us all seemed to be happy to be out on such a perfect night.
“So given your line of work…you’ve probably seen and maybe done some interesting things” she said as we walked.
“How do you mean?” I asked, having an idea but wanting to know for certain what she was asking rather than assume and divulge.
She asked me the questions she’d been reluctant to while elbow-to-elbow in a room of strangers and I answered her honestly and without hesitation. I’m not sure when the last time someone asked me so many questions about work with such a genuine interest rather than morbid curiosity.
The very nature of my work on film led to subjects of kink and fetishes and she started to inquire about those that I had personally. I felt that she’d been waiting to ask me these things after seeing some things in my profile and she hesitated when asking certain questions, struggling to inquire without giving too much away. She blushed a bit as my explanations went from abstract to using her as the example but she urged me to continue, feigning a lack of imagination capable of being able to picture what it would be like to be invited to my apartment to be tied up. The way she blushed made me happy to fill in the details and it seemed obvious to us both that we weren’t talking about ‘if’, but rather ‘when’.
I told her about the things I’d say to her before she every even got to my apartment, including how I’d want her to dress and why. When she arrived, I’d have her open the unlocked door and let herself in, turning around to face the wall with her wrists behind her back. She wouldn’t see me coming but she would hear my footsteps and feel the rope around her wrists…
“And then?” she asked, but I wouldn’t answer, telling her that she would have to find out for herself if she really wanted to know.
Even in the fading light I could see her blushing and I told her that I liked it. When we started off the evening she’d been leading the conversation and I’d let her. Things were very different just then though and she was firmly outside of her normal comfort zone, which was clearly thrilling to her.
“What are you thinking right now?” I asked, turning the questions she’d asked me repeatedly over the course of the night back on her.
“I’m wondering what day I could be at your apartment” she said, hesitating before adding “but not tonight”. I was sort of glad that she had because it meant that we were both looking forward to something and it wasn’t just an impulse.